Hey peeps!
Sorry, I have not been the best at updating this journal, Maybe because I can hardly remember my name half the time. Training 8 hours a day at this point, between my lifting and my rolling.
Just thought I would drop in and share my win today at the Copa America Southeastern grappling championships.
Won the women's Gi by armbar and noGi by points.
Our men took home the prize money in the absolute.
I have to say...this was my best performance yet. So many friends and so much support...the cheers from all my team mates...win or lose, it was really a very memorable experience and another great day on the mats.
Need to catch up on some sleep and nurse a "possibly" broken toe.
Peace out for now.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Priorities
I have not been consistent with my blogging here recently. Work has been kicking mye ass but at least I made in to train 3 days this week already. Tomorrow I'll be taking the day off to rest up for the Copa. They have the same rule as the Casca Grossa and that is to move up in division if you've won your division in a previous tourney. I really hate this rule.
I am finally comfortable with my lifting again and had a fantastic week. I hit a 100kg squat clean for a triple at a body weight of 89kg which is fantastic. Coach was there...and though he was really impressed, he tried to hide his enthusiasm. But, I was getting phone calls about it all day, SO someone must have spread the word :)
I been working with someone on adjusting my diet and my weightlifting schedule and I will be blogging about strength training for women and how that skill can transfer onto the mat. I hope some ladies out there find my contributions beneficial.
Jacare told me that we have a female purple belt coming to train with Alliance for a month. She might be staying with me. Not sure yet but we shall see. I am really excited about that though.
The girl I met at the last tourney who said she would train with me flaked on me. I've already contacted her twice and am starting to feel like a nuisance so I am writing that off as another disappointment. I am use to them by now.
I am finally comfortable with my lifting again and had a fantastic week. I hit a 100kg squat clean for a triple at a body weight of 89kg which is fantastic. Coach was there...and though he was really impressed, he tried to hide his enthusiasm. But, I was getting phone calls about it all day, SO someone must have spread the word :)
I been working with someone on adjusting my diet and my weightlifting schedule and I will be blogging about strength training for women and how that skill can transfer onto the mat. I hope some ladies out there find my contributions beneficial.
Jacare told me that we have a female purple belt coming to train with Alliance for a month. She might be staying with me. Not sure yet but we shall see. I am really excited about that though.
The girl I met at the last tourney who said she would train with me flaked on me. I've already contacted her twice and am starting to feel like a nuisance so I am writing that off as another disappointment. I am use to them by now.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
GO ALLIANCE!
I am literally...spent.
BUT....I have some news that I would love to share with my fellow bjj brethren.
I took first place in the Casca Grossa advanced women's NoGi Grappling tournaments and took first place in the gi.
I even found a female training partner!!!! The girl I beat in the gi, believe it or not, lives not too far from me and trains right across the street from Alliance. Said she would love to come over and roll. We are planning on doing so sometime this week before the Copa America next weekend.
They did not have a women's absolute and the guy hosting the tournament wanted to put me in the men's absolute to fight for the prize money. Is that common to do??
Back in the day, I would have done it without a second thought. But thank God, the years have instilled some semblance of wisdom in me. The guys in the absolute were 250+lb juiced up skin heads that looked like convicts. They would have killed me for free, never mind prize money. The Iron and the mats have taught me a thing or two about a man's ego....lol
Go Alliance!
BUT....I have some news that I would love to share with my fellow bjj brethren.
I took first place in the Casca Grossa advanced women's NoGi Grappling tournaments and took first place in the gi.
I even found a female training partner!!!! The girl I beat in the gi, believe it or not, lives not too far from me and trains right across the street from Alliance. Said she would love to come over and roll. We are planning on doing so sometime this week before the Copa America next weekend.
They did not have a women's absolute and the guy hosting the tournament wanted to put me in the men's absolute to fight for the prize money. Is that common to do??
Back in the day, I would have done it without a second thought. But thank God, the years have instilled some semblance of wisdom in me. The guys in the absolute were 250+lb juiced up skin heads that looked like convicts. They would have killed me for free, never mind prize money. The Iron and the mats have taught me a thing or two about a man's ego....lol
Go Alliance!
Friday, November 6, 2009
Alone time..
I spent the day painting. Did not train. Did not go to nogi class. Just me, my canvas and my thoughts. One of the lifters on my team calls me pretty consistently for a ride. I've offered him a ride to train daily, within this past year. He has not called me since my chat with coach. How bizarre is human nature...when times are tough, people hold on to their resentments with such conviction, rather than reach out to each other for support. Its almost as though people find comfort in bitterness. I suppose its easier to hold a drudge rather than someon'es hand.
Funny thing is earlier this week when I was training, I tried to consult with my team mate on proper technique on a certain lift and he completely ignored me, when he would have bent over backwards to assist...had my circumstances not changed of course and I ended up burdening everyone with making choices that suited ME for a change, rather than everyone else. I am notorious for putting other people's needs before my own. One of my many virtuous flaws. Too old to change now and too tired to invest any energy mending broken relationships and friendships gone sour. Had my team mates and myself had a better bond, I would have had a friend through all this, rather than found myself completely alone.
Hell, had we had a better bond, maybe we would have made a better team. We've sucked ass since 2003. We looked like jackasses at the PanAms this year with every single lifter bombing out on the platform. Its was the worst PanAms coach has had in his 40 years coaching olympic athletes.
We were the best women's team in the nation..still are with as many wins as the team has had. But the top dogs who brought home the gold back in the day, rackin' up team points, have long been retired. Now the coach has recruited more eye candy than actual athletes. Hey, can't say I blame him. He's had his run. He is a legend in the sport. Let him surround himself with eye candy. He earned it. I just have no desire to compete on a team where my performance is measured by my looks. I've shed blood, sweat and tears for my sport. I'd rather leave while I still have some dignity and respect for the Iron and its teachings.
Sometimes I wonder if everything I am going through is a direct result of all that corruption. Maybe it is... But hey, at least I am happy. I get under that cold steel and feel every fiber of my being spasm in ecstasy. I've longed to feel that thrill again that forged the essence of my being.
I've suffered enough and paid my dues. Time to follow that trail of blood back home...
Funny thing is earlier this week when I was training, I tried to consult with my team mate on proper technique on a certain lift and he completely ignored me, when he would have bent over backwards to assist...had my circumstances not changed of course and I ended up burdening everyone with making choices that suited ME for a change, rather than everyone else. I am notorious for putting other people's needs before my own. One of my many virtuous flaws. Too old to change now and too tired to invest any energy mending broken relationships and friendships gone sour. Had my team mates and myself had a better bond, I would have had a friend through all this, rather than found myself completely alone.
Hell, had we had a better bond, maybe we would have made a better team. We've sucked ass since 2003. We looked like jackasses at the PanAms this year with every single lifter bombing out on the platform. Its was the worst PanAms coach has had in his 40 years coaching olympic athletes.
We were the best women's team in the nation..still are with as many wins as the team has had. But the top dogs who brought home the gold back in the day, rackin' up team points, have long been retired. Now the coach has recruited more eye candy than actual athletes. Hey, can't say I blame him. He's had his run. He is a legend in the sport. Let him surround himself with eye candy. He earned it. I just have no desire to compete on a team where my performance is measured by my looks. I've shed blood, sweat and tears for my sport. I'd rather leave while I still have some dignity and respect for the Iron and its teachings.
Sometimes I wonder if everything I am going through is a direct result of all that corruption. Maybe it is... But hey, at least I am happy. I get under that cold steel and feel every fiber of my being spasm in ecstasy. I've longed to feel that thrill again that forged the essence of my being.
I've suffered enough and paid my dues. Time to follow that trail of blood back home...
Thursday, November 5, 2009
New Hopeful Beginnings
I took an extended class today to get some cardio in. I was not feeling myself and was dragging all through. Might have been mental, might have been physical...might have been both. I spent most of my afternoon painting a canvas of a lifter for my coach for his birthday. Been thinking about him all day and about all the changes I am going through in my life, trying to cope as best I can.
Cobrinha and Jacare have noticed a huge change in my performance on the mat. Everyone has been complimenting me and commenting on my speed and improvement in my skill. Well 15 years of lifting has taught me a lot of things that are easy to transfer unto the mat, and at 200lb of muscle I am one of the fastest and most explosive athletes at the academy. Hopefully someday I can put everything the Iron has taught me to good use.
Right before Cobrinha walked out for the evening, he saw me working double leg take downs with one of our purples. I was trying to work on gliding more because I have a tendency to drop on my knee rather than perform the takedown smoothly. Cobrinha says to me: You're working real hard Shereen. That was my opportunity to break the news to Cobrinha. I told him that basically what I was afraid would happen, has happened. Over the entire shoulder ordeal, which he was well aware of, I've ended up in a mess that forced me to make a choice between the two sports. And I quit my lifting team and decided to focus on my BJJ.
Cobrinha's mouth dropped. I swear, I did not think he would take it the way he did. He almost looked like he could not believe that I would actually pick bjj over a sport I've been at for 15+ years. So he just stood there and I'm thinking ok now he'll just say "oh well" and leave, But I shit you not Cobrinha just stood there looking at me in utter disbelief.
The only thing he could think of to say was: " Are you sad????"..
Cobrinha is such an awesome guy man. lol
Of course I'm sad...it's just time to move on.
In consolation and right before he walked out he said: "Its ok Shereen, you will compete with us at the World championship next year."
If Cobrinha thinks I'd be good enough to go to the worlds then I must not have made a bad decision afterall....
Hope is a great thing yo.
Cobrinha and Jacare have noticed a huge change in my performance on the mat. Everyone has been complimenting me and commenting on my speed and improvement in my skill. Well 15 years of lifting has taught me a lot of things that are easy to transfer unto the mat, and at 200lb of muscle I am one of the fastest and most explosive athletes at the academy. Hopefully someday I can put everything the Iron has taught me to good use.
Right before Cobrinha walked out for the evening, he saw me working double leg take downs with one of our purples. I was trying to work on gliding more because I have a tendency to drop on my knee rather than perform the takedown smoothly. Cobrinha says to me: You're working real hard Shereen. That was my opportunity to break the news to Cobrinha. I told him that basically what I was afraid would happen, has happened. Over the entire shoulder ordeal, which he was well aware of, I've ended up in a mess that forced me to make a choice between the two sports. And I quit my lifting team and decided to focus on my BJJ.
Cobrinha's mouth dropped. I swear, I did not think he would take it the way he did. He almost looked like he could not believe that I would actually pick bjj over a sport I've been at for 15+ years. So he just stood there and I'm thinking ok now he'll just say "oh well" and leave, But I shit you not Cobrinha just stood there looking at me in utter disbelief.
The only thing he could think of to say was: " Are you sad????"..
Cobrinha is such an awesome guy man. lol
Of course I'm sad...it's just time to move on.
In consolation and right before he walked out he said: "Its ok Shereen, you will compete with us at the World championship next year."
If Cobrinha thinks I'd be good enough to go to the worlds then I must not have made a bad decision afterall....
Hope is a great thing yo.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Thoughts and Mixed Emotions...
So I finally had my talk with my lifting coach. My God, I've avoided it like the plague, but it just was not right to avoid it any longer...
I am so sad about the whole thing..so sad its almost hard to blog about it. Just the look on his face...the disappointment..the high aspirations and expectations he had of me...
I just feel like I let him down. This man cared for me more than my own father did. He nurtured my talents and made an elite lifter out of me...he took me under his wing and asked nothing of me but to train and compete...
And I couldn't do that long enough to actually make it to the Olympic try outs. He told me how gifted I was and the potential I had...
My God I wish he had yelled at me and kicked my ass out and told me how terrible I was! F*kc that would have felt far better than this.
Instead, he hugged me, almost like he was losing a child, looking so remorseful and sad, it broke my heart into a thousand pieces. Said he wanted to continue to be a part of my life and see that I succeeded in my bjj and did well at the PanAms...he wanted to continue with my strength training and even wants me to go to the American Open just to be with my team mates and support them the day of the meet...kept telling me how gifted I was and all the potential he saw in me the day he laid his eyes on me...fuck someone shoot me. I really did not expect that reaction at all... at...all...
Shortly after I told him how much I loved and appreciated him, he left the facility without saying another word.
This really hurts :(
Needless to say, I sucked ass on the mat tonight and spent the whole evening crying.
Rather than blog about my misery I think I'll just go cry about it some more. Maybe I'll just jump off a cliff or something to rid myself of this guilt and shame while I'm at it. ;(
I cannot begin to describe to everyone how hard this is for me. I do not think I can find the words to even help anyone even remotely begin to fathom how fucking depressed I am right now.
So I shall just say nothing.
I am so sad about the whole thing..so sad its almost hard to blog about it. Just the look on his face...the disappointment..the high aspirations and expectations he had of me...
I just feel like I let him down. This man cared for me more than my own father did. He nurtured my talents and made an elite lifter out of me...he took me under his wing and asked nothing of me but to train and compete...
And I couldn't do that long enough to actually make it to the Olympic try outs. He told me how gifted I was and the potential I had...
My God I wish he had yelled at me and kicked my ass out and told me how terrible I was! F*kc that would have felt far better than this.
Instead, he hugged me, almost like he was losing a child, looking so remorseful and sad, it broke my heart into a thousand pieces. Said he wanted to continue to be a part of my life and see that I succeeded in my bjj and did well at the PanAms...he wanted to continue with my strength training and even wants me to go to the American Open just to be with my team mates and support them the day of the meet...kept telling me how gifted I was and all the potential he saw in me the day he laid his eyes on me...fuck someone shoot me. I really did not expect that reaction at all... at...all...
Shortly after I told him how much I loved and appreciated him, he left the facility without saying another word.
This really hurts :(
Needless to say, I sucked ass on the mat tonight and spent the whole evening crying.
Rather than blog about my misery I think I'll just go cry about it some more. Maybe I'll just jump off a cliff or something to rid myself of this guilt and shame while I'm at it. ;(
I cannot begin to describe to everyone how hard this is for me. I do not think I can find the words to even help anyone even remotely begin to fathom how fucking depressed I am right now.
So I shall just say nothing.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Get off my BoObS!!
I AM SPENT.
I don't remember the last time I was this exhausted. I had to drop by the CVS on my way home to take my blood pressure because my head was pounding uncontrollably. My pulse was 140..wow...and BP reading was 127 over 94. Not too bad considering I tend to have BP issues, but not great either.
I trained shoulders and triceps today. It was great to train by myself and just do my thing like the good ol days, the days when I did not have coaches barking at me and sucking the life out of every workout. I put a lot into the Iron today so by the time I go to Jujitsu I was having to fight the urge to take the evening off. I am finding it increasingly hard to train and have my 2 hour BJJ classes on the same days. Coming up with a new schedule has been the biggest challenge for me since I decided to quit the team.
I relied on my coach for so long that I almost feel lost without his guidance.
Anyway, I had a great class. Got a couple of good rolls in. Jacare paired me up with a 240-250lb white belt that I really enjoy working with. He is not new but he is very nice and friendly and fun to work with. Plus he is so heavy, I have no choice BUT to use technique. My God my ribs are screaming though. It pretty rough having all that weight pinning you down. Now I know what it feels like when I roll with women I outweigh by over 80lb. No wonder they don't want to work with me. I can't say I blame them. Ouch.
I am having trouble with my implants though...i never thought I would actually get to the day where I would have trouble with my boobs on the mat. I've had trouble with all my piercings, and swallowed my labret once. Now I have no piercings. But unfortunately, I can't remove my boobs and put them aside for my rolls. I am really scared of a ruptured implant when working with such heavy and aggressive guys. Hope some ladies out there would chime in here and share their boobie experiences. lol
I don't remember the last time I was this exhausted. I had to drop by the CVS on my way home to take my blood pressure because my head was pounding uncontrollably. My pulse was 140..wow...and BP reading was 127 over 94. Not too bad considering I tend to have BP issues, but not great either.
I trained shoulders and triceps today. It was great to train by myself and just do my thing like the good ol days, the days when I did not have coaches barking at me and sucking the life out of every workout. I put a lot into the Iron today so by the time I go to Jujitsu I was having to fight the urge to take the evening off. I am finding it increasingly hard to train and have my 2 hour BJJ classes on the same days. Coming up with a new schedule has been the biggest challenge for me since I decided to quit the team.
I relied on my coach for so long that I almost feel lost without his guidance.
Anyway, I had a great class. Got a couple of good rolls in. Jacare paired me up with a 240-250lb white belt that I really enjoy working with. He is not new but he is very nice and friendly and fun to work with. Plus he is so heavy, I have no choice BUT to use technique. My God my ribs are screaming though. It pretty rough having all that weight pinning you down. Now I know what it feels like when I roll with women I outweigh by over 80lb. No wonder they don't want to work with me. I can't say I blame them. Ouch.
I am having trouble with my implants though...i never thought I would actually get to the day where I would have trouble with my boobs on the mat. I've had trouble with all my piercings, and swallowed my labret once. Now I have no piercings. But unfortunately, I can't remove my boobs and put them aside for my rolls. I am really scared of a ruptured implant when working with such heavy and aggressive guys. Hope some ladies out there would chime in here and share their boobie experiences. lol
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